“I finally dunked today! It was incredible. Never felt anything like it. The raw thrill… the rush of being alive.”

“Steve, you dunked on a children’s eight foot hoop at an elementary school.”

“Still… it was mid-game!”

“Against third graders.”

“They knew I had too much sauce. They didn’t want any of it.”

“Why did I marry you? My mother told me she knew a nice insurance agent with bad knees. Wouldn’t have to deal with this “Air Steve” nonsense.”

“It’s gonna catch on. Once I get into a regular flow of the tibalis raises, it’s over for these hoes.”

“What hoes? We’ve dated since sophomore year of high school. When have you EVER seen ‘these hoes’?”

“I mean…”

“Don’t you dare say Vegas. Those women were registered sex workers. It’s not the same.”

“You’ve ruined this worse than adding vegan hot dogs to Kraft Mac & Cheese.”

“I’m making sure you stay alive past forty five years old.”