“I’m telling you something is wrong with him. I watched this man punch seagulls out of the sky for 45 minutes. That’s not normal behavior, Karen. I think this is a serious cause for alarm and if you don’t need something, I will.” Karen rolled her eyes as she continued to pack scarfs into a soft-edged cardboard box. The box read “Xmas” in faded sharpie.

“Tom, I already told you to leave it alone. You know he’s from Iowa. he’s got more Four Loko in his bloodstream than he does white blood cells. I am not trying to end up on his bad side.”

Tom shifted a couple more boxes around in the spare room as he tried to handle the volume of his grumbling. Usually threats of avian aggression worked better than this, he thought.