“Never so silent as stone.”

The phrase popped up from a piece titled “Porcelain.” I had written it during the first months of my stay in Tsushima. I had just talked with my friend about the vast differences between my written and spoken language. Over time, I’ve felt both accurately depict who I am (if not the full version).

“There is a dead spot in the night when light has faded from memory—- and the hope of it returning remains a forgotten ember sheathed in ash.

Those are the moments when the past arrives unbidden. Like a raptor high above a thermal— it glides silently until its shadow is over you. The time when the creaks and groans of old timbers in the house are drowned out by half-lit memories of versions of yourself you used to be.”

That’s not how I speak, but it is an authentic way I write. The juxtaposition between the two can make a head spin when the occasional written eloquence doesn’t match up with the energetic, golden retriever verbal spew I can deliver.

It delves into the matter of identity. In the East, it’s common for people to operate with different social masks. I think there’s an ideological difference between issues of authenticity and genuineness. I think you can be genuine while operating with different social masks. Who you are in one friend group can completely differ from who you are at work. Or the self that attends the gym, etc

I see arguments about the necessity of authenticity in everything someone does. But I’d argue that being genuine (while this feels like splitting hairs, I swear is different) is more honest. I don’t think you can offer a holistic, authentic version of yourself that remains the same no matter the environment. I think the people who do operate that way are quickly singled out for disrupting the social harmony of whatever group they enter if they can’t adjust to the energy, mood, setting, etc.

All of this is a long ramble that ties back to my own questions about how genuine I can be when I vacillate between writing and speaking. Is there a more “authentic” version of me? Or do both mediums of communication allow for genuineness?